There are no Pina Coladas in India

There are however 1.6 billion people, and I’m pretty sure they are all outside my hotel right now.

Jess and I arrived in Delhi last night at 3:10am. It was cold and there was smog. The entire airport smelt like a combination of burning plastic and incense, so like any normal person, I began to vomit everywhere. Jess was not impressed (probably because I vomited on her new scarf, but lets be honest, it was probably going to happen at some point during the trip). Luckily we had a hotel pick up already confirmed and the both of us were bundled into a car with our bags.

If 1 val wasn't enough to keep me sane for the flight, 2 vals were nowhere near enough to keep me sane during this car trip. In my short 20min ride I’m pretty sure I have figured out the entire national road rules of India.

1. If a car opens its door nowhere near your car, you must beep your horn.

2. If you’re about to turn a corner, you must beep your horn.

3. If you see someone in the far distance who looks like they are about to turn a corner, you must beep your horn.

4. If your horn doesn’t work properly and it’s just emitting some sort wheezing noise instead, you must hold your horn so the continuous broken sound is heard by everyone. That way people know that you are cool.

5. Back home, its ok to beep your horn at a fellow driver if you recognize them. In India it’s compulsory to beep your horn at a driver if you don’t recognize them. If you do recognize them then I just presume you swear at them or some shit.

So as you can imagine, there is a lot of beeping.

Finally we arrived at our chalet, Hotel Amax. I counted 8 stray dogs on the 5-meter walk from our car to the hotel doors (which were locked because the hotel guy was sleeping on the lounge). Only 3 of the dogs had eyes and the ones that didn’t still looked at me anyway. Jess and I had a nana nap and then got up to go explore the historic town of Chandi Chowk and then the Red Fort. None of this happened thanks to the New Delhi train system (which I’m sure doesn’t actually exist).

After leaving the hotel and walking through some not very nice neighborhoods, we reached the train station. 

There were people EVERYWHERE and all they did was scream at us. In 3 minuets about 8 different people tried to scam us with false claims of “you need a ticket to walk through here. Come with me and I’ll get you a ticket”. We didn’t follow them of course but seeing as there was no one legitimate around to help us, we hung our little heads and sadly walked (I like to refer to it as “strategic sliding” due to the mud) back to chalet Amax to grab so delicious delicious yum yum food.

Here is a picture of me and my delicious delcious yum yum food.

Jess and I are now off to tackle Delhi's famous "Main Bazaar". Wish us luck!!!