I can't stop groovin, my pelvis won't let me

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog (thank you Indian dial up internet) and I am now in Goa. Here’s a brief run down of what happened over the past couple of days.

Jaipur

It was really fun spending Christmas in a Hindu country that doesn’t actually celebrate Christmas. Our only taste of Christmas cheer was the “carols” that were playing in our hotel lobby. By “carols” I really mean that someone had hooked up their old Nokia 6610i to the sound system and played the three preloaded Christmas polyphonic ringtones on repeat ALL DAY.

We found Clare (well she found us asleep in our hotel room), exchanged knick knack presents with each other and headed to my palace (The Amber Fort and Palace) to start our Christmas Day. We walked around for a bit before Clare decided that we could better soak up the atmosphere on the roof with a ciggie. 

My palace

Half way down our decent (the palace is built on a MASSIVE mountain) I realized we had misplaced Clare, until I saw her a few seconds later casually strolling down the steps with a large gang of small children. Apparently her bright pink hair had made her the Pied Pipper of Jaipur and her new friends were very keen to follow us and giggle. Giggle a lot.

The rest of the day was spent palace bar hopping (there are a lot of beautiful heritage palaces in Jaipur) and eating amazing traditional Indian dishes like butter chicken. One of the palaces we hit up was the Rambagh Palace, which was gated hotel community complete with many many shops and a man whose only job was to walk around the courtyard chasing away pigeons.

Obviously the most appropriate thing to do at an establishment like Rambagh Palace is to hunt and chase their peacocks, which we did. After being politely directed to the bar and taking in a few cocktails, we left Rambagh Palace in the classiest way possible (walking) and hailed an auto rickshaw (like the Agra one but with a motor and without of a 116 yr old driver) to take us back to our hotel. The streets of Jaipur are a million times worse than Delhi as indicating is for uncool people and two lanes can magically become 4 (sometimes even 5 or 6) on any road at any time.

We ended our Christmas day at a classy establishment called “waves” where Pitbull was on repeat and the Indian barmen dressed in Santa suits circa 1983.

Delhi

The car trip from Jaipur to Delhi was long and consisted of me either
a) Spewing. A lot. Everywhere. or

b) Blowing kisses at Indian men who stared at us (Don’t do this if you are in a stationary or very slow moving car. Trust me).

We arrived back at chalet Amax late in the evening and went to bed early to prepare for the awesome flight of fun to Goa (even more fun because it was on an Indian internal airline which clearly lacked basic safety features).

Goa

The place is amazing and I will write a few blogs dedicated to our experience here with fun things like pictures.

The days have been spent drinking from coconuts and the nights at bars indulging with a $2.50 cocktail (maybe many $2.50 cocktails).

Jess isn’t the party animal, so we told her we were all going to a “cultural festive dinner” which was actually a silent trance disco in the middle of the Goan jungle. She appreciated it.

Hope everyone has a great New Years. I'll have pics very soon!

Oh yay, lets start the day at 5am

And trek through the streets of Agra in the dark to find the Taj.

Cool.Safe.Fun.

I shouldn’t complain. The Taj was spectacular. Going at dawn was soooooooo worth it. Here are the pics.

Jess had one job, to take a picture of me at the Taj. Well done Jess, well done.

My very symmetrical picture of the Taj

Me at the Taj just after Dawn. I look very refreshed after my many hours of sleep.

Thumbs uping the Taj

It looks like nothing but its actually mist rolling off mountains.

Me Bollywood dancing outside the Taj

Dawn

After the Taj, Jess and I were feeling a bit sickly (probably because I have a blood infection #justsayin) so we headed back to chalet Kamal to check out. After check out it was time for “rickshaw death trip” number 2 and sure enough our 116yr old driver with no teeth or eyes was waiting outside the hotel for us. Yay.

Once again we sped through the streets of Agra until of course our 116 yr old driver with no teeth or eyes decided he had had enough of cycling and acquired his equally able bodied mate to push the rickshaw with us in it.

Cool.Safe.Fun.

But finally we emerged from the “no drive” zone to meet up with Vicky.

Next stop Jaipur, Xmas and CLARE!!!!!!!!

DISASTER HAS STRUCK!!!

I stepped on a nail and it hurt. It hurt so much that I sooked to Vicky about how I urgently needed to go a major hospital within the next 15 minuets or I risked bleeding out. Vicky laughed and then removed the nail (without my consent) with a pair of pliers from the boot of his car.

Jess laughed.

I did not.

I continued to sook until Vicky randomly stopped the car. There is a “no drive” zone in Agra to protect the Taj, and Vicky had taken us as far as he could. He instructed us to get a rickshaw the rest of the way to the hotel, but told us to be wary of scammers who would probably take us to another hotel (or sell us as slaves which was what I was more concerned about).

Great.

So we got in a rickshaw, negotiated the price of 50 rupees and set off on “rickshaw death trip” number 1 to our new hotel, Hotel Kamal.

No words can describe (pictures can’t either because I refused to let go of Jess to take any) the fear I felt whilst speeding through the streets of Agra on a rickshaw that was driven by a 116 year old man with no teeth or eyes.

But we made it. Eventually. And after finally checking in to Chalet Kamal (which was so classy they gave us pad locks to lock our door), I was able to return to my favorite past time, sooking.

“I’m going to get a blood infection”

“No, You are not”

“It’s still bleeding, I can smell the blood”

“It’s not bleeding”

“It hurts when you touch it”

“I haven’t touched it. There is nothing to touch. I can’t even see anything”.

Jess was nice enough to tend to my gapping wound as well as my rollercoaster of emotions, and eventually I was all patched up thanks to the 7 different types of band aids in my pack (knick knack haters 0).

The rest of the evening was then spent on the hotel roof top restaurant sipping Chai tea and watching the sunset over the Taj.

In fact here’s  picture of the view I took.

Tomorrow morning we will awake at 5am and head to the Taj for sunrise.

Ok- So we hired a driver

 Yes, we skimped on the whole “backpacking” experience thing but whatever. Shut up.

It became apparent to both Jess and myself that although we were having a GREAT time (seriously), the whole Indian train system thing was just not working for us. So we hired a driver to take us around for the next 4 days. His name is Vicky and he is very helpful.

Goodbye Delhi and hello Agra, via some very “nice” sights and some old dead guy’s tomb.

 
 There was nothing eventful to 

talk about from the day, so I thought I’d use this blog to show you all some of my pics instead.

An Indian political campaign van. Perhaps we could learn a thing or two from them.

HOLY COWS. LOL. I enjoyed mooing at them from the car. Everyone else- not so much.

The sad reality of Indian life

Of course I would eat McDonald's in India. Here I am chowing down my McVeg, which is just like a McChicken burger except with a vege patte.

Something being cute.

Some dead guy's tomb.

Me Bollywood dancing outside dead guy's tomb.

The beautiful mosaic inside dead guy's tomb.

Animals with horns. I wanted to chase them, but jess said no. 

Next stop the Taj!!!

The Streets of New Delhi

There are a lot and they are intense. Jess and I braved them to head off to the New Delhi Main Bazaar, which we heard had some of the most amazing shopping.

“It’s a simple walk. Take you 5 minuets” said our hotel reception man.

Pfft.

He pointed to a street (not a nice looking street) and said we would just need to keep walking down it till we saw the main road. Then we would cross the main road and continue walking straight till we saw the Bazaar.

Sounds simple enough.

Pfft.

We started walking (strategic sliding) down the street which was full of various street sellers and dogs with no eyes. All was going well (as well as trekking through an Indian shanty town can go for 2 girls) until we came to the main road.

It was a big road.

There were 6 lanes worth of cars, trucks, buses, motorbikes, normal bikes, rickshaws, tuk tuks and people. People that screamed.

Jess and I stood on the side of the road for at least 5 minuets talking about our options (meanwhile everyone we were standing next to had already crossed) before we finally decided that we would just have to step out into the traffic.

So we did just that. And it worked. Kinda.

I had to dodge a bus and almost got run over by a rickshaw. To the rickshaw’s defense, the driver did beep at me. But we made it. We crossed the road and were on our way to the main bazzar, which we finally reached 23 minuets after leaving our hotel (I know this because I timed ever second of the trek. Clearly, we were lied to #justsayin).

The bazaar was AMAZING. There were knick knack stores everywhere. I made sure that I bought many many knick knacks, plus a sari and some sort of orange thing that Indian ladies wear. I look pretty fucking rad in it! I also pimped my hand out with some henna, which also looks pretty fucking rad.

After shopping for most of the arvo and then seeing an Indian police office with a giant machine gun, we decided that it was time to head back to Chalet Amax and call it a night.

As much as I would love to show you all pics of my treasures, the internet connect at the hotel is shit, so please make do with this mega pixilated picture of me in my new sari (which I’m pretty sure I’m wearing wrong).

Next stop Agra to see the Taj!!!!

There are no Pina Coladas in India

There are however 1.6 billion people, and I’m pretty sure they are all outside my hotel right now.

Jess and I arrived in Delhi last night at 3:10am. It was cold and there was smog. The entire airport smelt like a combination of burning plastic and incense, so like any normal person, I began to vomit everywhere. Jess was not impressed (probably because I vomited on her new scarf, but lets be honest, it was probably going to happen at some point during the trip). Luckily we had a hotel pick up already confirmed and the both of us were bundled into a car with our bags.

If 1 val wasn't enough to keep me sane for the flight, 2 vals were nowhere near enough to keep me sane during this car trip. In my short 20min ride I’m pretty sure I have figured out the entire national road rules of India.

1. If a car opens its door nowhere near your car, you must beep your horn.

2. If you’re about to turn a corner, you must beep your horn.

3. If you see someone in the far distance who looks like they are about to turn a corner, you must beep your horn.

4. If your horn doesn’t work properly and it’s just emitting some sort wheezing noise instead, you must hold your horn so the continuous broken sound is heard by everyone. That way people know that you are cool.

5. Back home, its ok to beep your horn at a fellow driver if you recognize them. In India it’s compulsory to beep your horn at a driver if you don’t recognize them. If you do recognize them then I just presume you swear at them or some shit.

So as you can imagine, there is a lot of beeping.

Finally we arrived at our chalet, Hotel Amax. I counted 8 stray dogs on the 5-meter walk from our car to the hotel doors (which were locked because the hotel guy was sleeping on the lounge). Only 3 of the dogs had eyes and the ones that didn’t still looked at me anyway. Jess and I had a nana nap and then got up to go explore the historic town of Chandi Chowk and then the Red Fort. None of this happened thanks to the New Delhi train system (which I’m sure doesn’t actually exist).

After leaving the hotel and walking through some not very nice neighborhoods, we reached the train station. 

There were people EVERYWHERE and all they did was scream at us. In 3 minuets about 8 different people tried to scam us with false claims of “you need a ticket to walk through here. Come with me and I’ll get you a ticket”. We didn’t follow them of course but seeing as there was no one legitimate around to help us, we hung our little heads and sadly walked (I like to refer to it as “strategic sliding” due to the mud) back to chalet Amax to grab so delicious delicious yum yum food.

Here is a picture of me and my delicious delcious yum yum food.

Jess and I are now off to tackle Delhi's famous "Main Bazaar". Wish us luck!!!

How Do Two Australian Girls Cross the Street in the Middle East?

“Lets go exploring the Middle East Jess!”

Jess was less than impressed with that statement, but my persistence won and off we went to explore the Middle East.

First stop reception where the reception lady laughed when I said we were “very keen to explore the Middle East”. She said we would need a taxi and local currency, not walking and credit cards like my original plan suggested. Unfortunately the hotel did not have an ATM, but reception lady explained that the closest one was just across the road at the local hospital.

Win.

By this stage Jess had decided that perhaps exploring the Middle East was not a good idea, and was highlighting the merits of the swim up bar. I remained adamant, we would explore.

Corniche hospital was our destination and it was decided (by me) that we would leave immediately to source the ATM- a flawless plan until we actually left the safe confines of the hotel and started walking the streets.

When we reached the hospital, it was pretty obvious that we were not meant to be walking the streets, let alone walking the halls of a local hospital where NOTHING was in English. We entered through what looked like reception doors so I thought I’d ask what looked like a reception lady where the ATM was. She told Jess (who clearly needed a val by this stage) and myself that it was down the hall and to the right. So that’s where we went, down the hall and to the right. There was no ATM. Instead we found a line of Arabic women and their new born babies waiting to see what I presume was a doctor.

Language barrier fail.

Jess was keen to head back, I however was determined to find the ATM.  And we did, eventually, but then decided that neither of us wanted to withdraw cash so we went back to the hotel to exchange our AUD for AED.

After the exchange we hoped in a taxi towards the Abu Dhabi Souk, which is like a traditional Arabic market.

O

M

G

Amazing. It sold spices, fabrics, magic carpets and cool genie like lamps (with no genies, trust me I made sure I rubbed them ALL). It was incredible. So intense. If I had more room in my backpack I would have bought so much more, but instead I settled for this awesome kaftan and really cool pair of shoes. They cost me under $50AUD!!

After the shopping extravaganza we hoped back in a taxi and I took pictures of buildings. Here are my 3 favorites, they are now yours.

The rest of the arvo was spent relaxing by the Arabian Sea with Pina Coladas. Here is the sea.

Here is Jess and I flailing about in the Arabian Sea.

....and here we are drinking our Pina Colada's. Next stop, INDIA. I'm sure there aren't many Pina Coladas in India.......

Knick Knacking Around

“You don’t need to take your facial exfoliate”

“Yes I do”

“There are 7 different types of band aids in your bag. Surely you can get away with 2, maybe 3 types at the most?”

“No. I can’t”.

“Why are you taking a tinted moisturizer AND a normal moisturizer?”

“Because I need them”

“You don’t need them both. Take one. Will it kill you if you don’t take both?”

“Yes”.

I was once asked if I knew what to pack when backpacking. My response was knick knacks. “I will fill my entire pack with knick knacks”. And I did. And it weighs like I filled my entire pack with knick knacks. Which is a lot.

However, I have arrived in Abu Dhabi (not Dubai) feeling refreshed, clean and cloud like (you may think the cloud like feeling is due to the several vals I popped throughout the 16 hour flight of death, but I’m attributing it entirely to my strategic carry on knick knack packing).

The flight was average at best. The scariest part wasn’t actually the flight itself, it was leaving customs in Australia. I handed my passport over to Customs Official “Keith” who starred at my photo and asked “Amber Setchell? Are you a member of Young Labor?”

I laughed.

Keith didn't.

So I said yes I was and asked Keith how he knew this.

His response: “You were in a newspaper article in my local paper, the Southern Courier.”

I laughed.

Keith didn't.

Indeed I had once been in a newspaper article in the Southern Courier about my involvement in Young Labor, however that article was written almost 3 years ago in 2009. Lucky for me, Keith still remembered.

Traumatized by my experience in customs I decided I needed to do some serious duty free shopping and pretty much re bought every knick knack I already had, except in different brands and travel sizes. I was pleased.

The actual flight didn’t crash or burn. This also made me pleased. Jess had a pretty good time too, particularly when 90% of our flight entire conversation consisted of me saying “here Jess, have a val”.

Her response was always no and she usually opted for a g&t instead. Shame.

From my hotel room Abu Dhabi looks AMAZING, but right now I’m off to explore the sights of the Sheraton Abu Dhabi swim up bar. 

The Start.

I’ve never been much of a flyer.

Ever.

Which is great because right now I am about to board a 16 hour flight to Abu Dhabi (not Dubai -where I originally thought I was going and only realized AFTER I booked hotels in Dubai that I wasn’t actually going to Dubai. Win.) with my travel pal Jess, to start our backpacking adventure extravaganza. Seriously.

First stop Valium. Thank you Jesus and pharmacies for making this happen (also possibly my GP).

Second stop duty free shopping. This will of course happen after my 15^th panic attack at the Eithad check in counter.

Third stop plane, then turbulence, then crash, then fire, then death. Here is a map of our flight path, which I made to emphasize all the fun I’ll be having en route to India.

Our adventure will begin after a lazy 17 ½ hour stop over in Abu Dhabi (not Dubai). Jess and myself will then travel to Delhi to meet our good friend Clare. Clare has already been backpacking through South East Asia for the past couple of months having an AMAZING time. I can’t wait to see her!!

The “plan” is to hang around Delhi for a bit then hop on a train to Agra to see the Taj. This will be followed by a quick few days in Jaipur, and then a train back to Delhi for another night or two. After this we will be flying (win) to the beach state of Goa, where we will max out in our beachfront bungalows on Palolem beach over new years. Here is a map I made of our India route.

After a few days recovery, I will bid my girls farewell and embark on a massive trek through the Middle East to Israel. Alone.