Don’t lose an Australian Flag Neck Pillow in the Middle East

Thank you Google Images

Prologue

After my extravagant customs spend off in Sydney, I decided that I needed a neck pillow to lug inconveniently around on my travels. I found the perfect one sporting an over stretched Australian flag. Jess teased me when I bought it and then continued to tease me throughout the duration of the entire trip. But I don’t care. It’s tack to the max, and oh so wonderful.

The pillow doesn’t fit into any of my bags so when my arms are full of back packs and other back packing related items, I fling it around my neck and wear it with pride as I walk through airports, streets of India, streets of Abu Dhabi/Jordan/Jerusalem, nice hotels etc etc. I look really cool. Seriously.

Current

My Australian flag neck pillow has been on all my adventures and sometimes even gone on some of its own, like today when I realized I didn’t have it as I disembarked my plane in Jordan.

Shit.

I tried to walk casually back onto the plane (don’t do this EVER) to retrieve my property, but was “nicely” directed through to customs.

There’s actually no story here, because I eventually got it back (imagine the look you get when you ask for an Australian flag neck pillow at lost and found). I don’t have a picture of my neck pillow, but here’s a picture I drew of an angry stapler breathing fire on a purple desk. I drew it (and many others like it after a few vals) during my 9-hour layover in Jordan.

The fact that I’m transiting means two things.

1. My holiday is over.

2. My travel blog is ALMOST over.

But before I can get home, I have to take 3 flights of fun and awesomeness.

Here’s a map I drew to emphasis my route and fun.

Flight of fun number one: Tel Aviv to Jordan.

This was a great 25-minute flight of fun, turbulence and good times.

The airhostess gave me a mango juice to wash my first val down with. I was pleased.

Flight of fun number two: Jordan to Abu Dhabi.

During this flight the plane had a camera that let you see the ground below.

“Great. Now I can see what we will be plummeting towards when the propellers catch on fire and blow up the plane”

Obviously this didn’t happen because I am currently in Abu Dhabi just chillin in what looks to be a three-hour line to get through security.

My plane has already commenced boarding.

Let’s see how this ends.

I don’t speak French but I’m very very very sorry

Is what I said to the girl who sleeps in the bunk below me after my shoe fell on her head.

I am back in Tel Aviv. This means two things.

1. Xavier has left Israel and I’m all alone.

2. Xavier has left Israel and can no longer censor my blog.

I am currently chillin in a “Youth” hostel. A “Youth” hostel where everyone seems to be a bit older than a “youth”, and where pet dogs wearing harnesses are allowed to roam the small grounds freely feasting only on head phones (mine). But hey, whatever. It’s not like I’m judging or anything (I am actually).

I’m a bit behind on the whole blogging thing, so here’s what happened in the past few days.

Xavier and I left the beautiful, fun and awesome city of Tel Aviv to catch a bus to a nice little town called Tiberias on the Sea of Galilee. The bus trip was lovely. We even passed Nazareth where Jesus spent his troubled Degrassi years.

Our Chalet, Hotel Berger, was a really cute little establishment perched some where on the mountains over looking the Galilee. I’m 100% convinced that we were the only guests though.

For din dins we grabbed a “Saint Peter’s” fish, which is the same kind that Jesus probs would haven eaten.

In fact I’m pretty sure that Jesus touched this EXACT fish (I’m going to claim it).

We hung around Tiberias for two days before realizing that, although very beautiful, it’s not the hippest happening place in Israel. So we got on a bus to Haifa.

Haifa.

It rained the ENTIRE time.

We stayed in the Russian quarter in a hotel clearly modeled off the labyrinth (thankfully there wasn’t a fire). Once again I’m fairly sure we were the only guests, as every time we left our room the owner just seemed to magically appear and stare at us. It was very comforting.

Haifa was beautiful, well what we saw of Haifa was beautiful. We headed to grab some lunch along one of the main streets and ended up in a tiny little Russian restaurant that served the most amazing hybrid of Israeli and Russian food.

Cold, wet and potentially cursed by a gypsy (it’s a story that needs a glass of wine to be told over), we only spent a night in Haifa before deciding it was time to kick it back to Tel Aviv via the train.

So this is where I leave you right now. Alone. In a “Youth” hostel. In Tel Aviv. With beer. And a dog wearing a harness that has just eaten my head phones. Cool.

How to Explore Tel Aviv in Style

Nothing says style more than a bright green bike.

Xavier and I hired two bikes from a company called “Tel-O-Fun”.I LOVE bike riding, especially because I posses superior balance skills and have a backpack FULL of appropriate bike riding clothes.

They day began as it usually did, Xavier misplaced his "Toiletries purse" and I demanded pastries from a particular bakery for breakfast. All was sorted and we headed to the beach to start our day of "fun" via a "simple" machine that would let us hire two bikes.

Eventually, after a lot of button pressing, we managed to unlock the bikes and start riding. Look how much fun I'm having.

Our first tourist stop was Old Jaffa where Napoleon hung out for a bit in the olden days. Lucky for us he was still there.

By this stage we had been riding for 17 minutes (it's easy to time things when you're having far too much fun) and we continued our trek along the peaceful Mederteranian Sea.

Once again we had lunch with a few new friends (I've learnt that if you don't chase the cats first, they are less likely to bite you when you grab them).

We also had some time to hang out at David Ben Gurion's house. The library alone was amazing.

I had a few nice pictures of Xavier that I wanted to add, but unfortunately my blog is being scrutinised (because he is blog jealous) and they were vetoed. 

I did however put my camera in a fountain (it's water proof. Cool right?) to take pictures of fish. This also really pissed Xavier off as his camera can't do that.

This blog has been short, I know and I'm sorry. 
I'm now in Tiberias on the Galilee. Here's a pic. It's soooo beautiful!!

How to Travel with a Lonely Planet Map

Don't.


They lead you down paths that go no where and take you to places that don't exist. They also make you wait in really long lines for sights that you didn't actually intend to visit in the first place.


Once Xavier and I (mostly Xavier) figured out the streets of the Old City without the help of a map, we settled down for breakfast with a few new friends (apparently the idea that friends don't bite other friends doesn't apply to cats. Thankfully I don't have rabies).

We began the day with a "short" trek around Mount Zion to check out the many significant religious sites including Dormition Abbey (where Mary fell into eternal sleep) and the Church of Peter Gallicantu (where Peter decided he was too cool for Jesus and denied knowing him 3 times). 


We also made a brief pit stop via Oskar Schindler's grave. Here I am placing a rock on it.

Our tourist time ended when Xavier decided it appropriate to get into an argument with a gang of small children over two olive branches. The children came off second best.


Xavier spent the rest of the afternoon giving me a "personally designed" tour of the Mount of Olives. It was very informative and to prove it, here's a picture of me looking very interested.

We then headed to the Church of All Nations and the Garden of Gethsemane, the spot where Judas was a bit of a douche to Jesus and dobbed him in. This is the culturally accepted rock where the event went down.

Next stop a tour of Masada and the Dead Sea. This was a great idea until we realised that the tour was aimed at people over the age of 55. I knew it was going to be a GREAT day when our guide gave us all a sticker with his phone number displayed in big blue font, just incase one of us got lost.

The tour of fun began at 8am with Xavier running around an Arabic bus station clamming that he was a victim of "tourism fraud" because the tour company hadn't arrived to pick us up. Fortunately 5 minuets later a nice looking bus from the company pulled over and took us to meet our group.

First stop Masada, where Xavier trekked all the way to the top (by himself cause I took the fun and safe cable car) and continued to boast about it all day. Our guide showed us around and explained the significance of Masada, which was a beautiful place where I managed to snap some nice pics.

We were allowed a couple of minuets free time in which Xavier enjoyed prancing over the hilly landscape. Can you spot him?

I on the other hand took pictures of rocks. Here are my four favourite pictures. They are now yours.

The senior citizens tour concluded with a flail in the dead sea. 

Most of you have seen the picture on Facebook of me covered in mud, but to spice things up here is a picture of me doing the obligatory NSWYL power fist (except that this one is much cooler cause I'm power fisting in the Dead Sea with the Jordanian Mountains in the background. So I win).

Bethlehem and Jericho were next on our tourist hot spot list and we headed to The Church of the Nativity first (Via this check point).

The other side of the wall boasts some interesting graffiti. 

Xavier has all the pictures of The Nativity Church on his camera and unfortunately I'm not allowed to put any of them up because his are the "official Facebook photos of the trip" blah blah blah. 

After Bethlehem we headed to Jericho, the oldest city in the world to visit a few archeological sites.

Here's a picture of the Mount of Temptation where Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days and nights. The Monastery on the mountain is the culturally accepted place where the devil tempted him for the first time. Our guide told us that only one monk lives there!!

Oh and here's a picture of a 2000 year old tree.

We headed back into Israel (which was really good because my travel insurance didn't cover me throughout the West Bank) and then headed to Tel Aviv, which is where I am now (its AMAZING!!!).

The Stations of the Cross According to Amber

I arrived in Israel 37½ hours after I left India.

They were the best 37 ½ hours of my life, particularly the 10 ½ hours of turbulence fun flight time.

After meeting Xavier at the airport, checking into our hotel and having a few hours sleep, we headed out into the old city to do some shopping and complete the Stations of the Cross.

Here is photo recount of my experience plus a brief historical account of the important bits (thanks to Wikipedia, a self guide book that cost 5 sheckles and the shared pool of Catholic school knowledge from Xavier and I).

Station Number One

Jesus is Condemned to Death

“Here’s the Church built where Jesus was condemned to death” says Xavier.

Wow.

I Went all out.

Said a prayer, doused my face in holy water and did the whole kneeling down thing.

I was feeling really spiritual until we walked past the real church where Jesus was condemned to death.

Thanks Xavier.

Unfortunately I couldn’t do the same “religious” thing that I did at the first church because the real church was packed with pilgrims (who would have guessed). So here’s a photo of the ground of the real place where Jesus was condemned to death (the blurriness and pilgrim feet are an added bonus).

Station Number Two

Jesus takes up the cross

This station was in the same vicinity as station number one, except it was marked with a cross. I wanted to take up a wooden cross and walk with it, but Xavier said no. His reason being that I’d end up walking 5 meters and then make him carry it the entire rest of the way. Pfft.

Also around this area was The “Ecce Homo” Arch where Pilate showed Jesus to the awaiting crowd of people and yelled “Behold the man” (according to the 5 Sheckle guide book, however he probs said something more along the lines of “ROFL look at this guy”).

We also walked past the “Praetorium” where Jesus was crowned with thorns, but it cost 9 Sheckles to get in (which we weren’t going to pay) so here is a picture of its doors.

Station Number Three

Jesus Falls for the First Time

Here is what I originally thought station number three was.

Spiritual huh?

Then we walked around the corner and found the real station number three.

Station Number Four

Jesus Meets his Mother

Here is a picture of the entrance to station number four as well as a strategically placed Armenian Restaurant’s Pizza menu.

Station number four is a beautiful little silent chapel.

I presume that "Silentium" is “Silence” in another language which Xavier and I managed to respect, other pilgrims not so much. They just kept crying.

The place where Jesus met his mother is marked with a mosaic of his shoes.

This station is also beautiful depicted in sculpture form where Jesus probably said to Mary "Don't worry mum. Just going to Dad's for a bit. Be back on Sunday". But that's probably not what he said.

Station Number Five

Simon the Cyrenian is forced to carry the cross

This station was a door.

 Here is a picture of me and Xavier's thumb in front of the door.

Station Number Six

Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus

Here is a picture of what some one was trying to pass off as the sixth station of the cross.

Please pay particular attention to the stairs that lead into a dark dark place that probably kidnaps tourists and sells them as slaves.

Here is the real station six.

I would have loved to have taken some more pictures, however we had started to attract a small gang of local children. Seeing as children hunt and kill in gangs, we decided to quickly move on to the next station.

Station Number Seven

Jesus Falls for the Second Time

Again another door

I'm sure there is something of significance behind the door, but it was shut. By this stage the gang of children had morphed into a gang of pilgrims, so once again we sped through this station.

Station Number Eight

Jesus Consoles the Women of Jerusalem

Here is a picture of station number eight

 And here is a picture of me entering what I thought was the door leading to station number eight.

For the record, turns out I was wrong. It was someone's private court yard.

As we couldn't really find anything related to station number eight, please accept this picture of three stray cats Xavier took. The black one is eating a bone.

Station Number Nine

Jesus Falls for the Third Time

IF I was allowed to carry the cross I wanted to carry in the first place, I would have left it here.

 At night this station lights up, emphasising how neon can make ANYTHING tasteful.

 After the ninth station there is a door way to a tiny court yard. The court yard is actually an Ethiopian Monastery. It's a very quiet and peaceful spot that seems so far away from everything.

 Here is a picture of me outside the Ethiopian Monastery. Notice the lack of pilgrims.

Station Number Ten

Jesus is Stripped of his Garments

Stations ten through to fourteen are all in the Holy Sepulchre, which is built over the air space where Jesus died.

Station ten is set in the courtyard outside. 

I have a fancy setting on my camera that makes pictures like this. 

Station Number Eleven

Jesus is Nailed to the Cross

From station eleven onwards, shit started to get real.

They are all set inside Holy Sepulchre and it is the most AMAZING structure I have ever seen in my whole life EVER. Seriously.

Station Number Twelve

Jesus Dies on the Cross

Station Number Thirteen
Jesus is Take Down from the Cross


The culturally accepted stone where Jesus was laid.

Station Number Fourteen
Jesus is Laid in the Tomb

DISCLAIMER- Although it appears I have taken the Stations of the Cross light heartedly, I actually found the entire experience amazing both spiritually and culturally.


Look, here's even a picture of me eating shwarma. Yum.